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Hobbits – A to Z: H

H is for hobbitses hobbits. Whether you’re a die-hard fantasy buff or just plain don’t live under a rock, chances are pretty good you know what hobbits are. Those little fellows, also called “halflings” by some, who typically like to put their over-sized, hairy feet up <censored> and live quiet and contented lives in the Shire whenever destiny isn’t bothering them with quests to save the world and such.

Hobbit feet

No, they’re not mine. Are, too. (Shut up.) Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’d know that large, hairy feet mean… hobbits!

Hobbits were invented by the great-grand-daddy of fantasy, J. R. R. Tolkien, appearing first in The Hobbit in 1937 (which is currently being turned into three movies) and of course later in The Lord of the Rings. I believe they’re mentioned in some of Tolkien’s other writings as well, but, not having read any of those, I don’t know much more than that. <censored> right! The most famous of them are Bilbo and Master looks after us Frodo Baggins, Stupid Fat Hobbit Samwise “Sam” Gamgee, Peregrin “Pippin” Took, and Meriadoc “Merry” Brandybuck. And us, and us! Even Gollum was once a hobbit.

These sneaky little hobbitses good-natured cousins of humans live longer and mature much slower than we do (Frodo was 50 when he set out from the Shire to deliver my PRECIOUS! the One Ring to Mount Doom), and we hates the filthy little hobbitses are generally liked by the other races of Middle Earth. They spoilin’ nice fish have a strong sense of morals and, despite being rather mischievous in their younger years, tend to “do what’s right” when under pressure.

Hobbits should be given to nasty Orcses a special place in her lair the heart of every fan of fantasy.

<censored> <censored>, you <censored> <censored>-<censored>, my precious!