Monthly Archives: November 2015
It is with much excitement, spiced with a hefty dose of trepidation, that I’d like to reveal a couple of versions of my blurb. No big deal, I’ve only worked on this for, oh, 11 years or so now.
First off, here are some details about my debut novel.
Genre: Epic Fantasy
Name of book: First Drop
Name of trilogy: The Mage Academy Journals
Approximate word count: 130,000
Status: Polishing and finishing epilogue
Intended audience: Adults (not necessarily YA)
I find it extremely hard to sum up my story in a single sentence, but it’s something that is often requested, so here is what I think is its essence:
My story is about a boy who returns to his tropical island home after years amongst pale-skinned northerners to find himself the focal point of intrigues and prophecies due to his unique heritage and blend of abilities.
If I had a few more sentences to pitch my work, it’d go a little something like this:
My story is about a boy who returns home after years amongst the pale-skinned northerners to find himself the focal point of intrigues and prophecies due to his unique heritage and blend of abilities.
His own people won’t accept him unless he undergoes their initiation rites. The martial Vennar want to deny his family even exists, let alone escaped from slavery. The pale Nothrans, who’ve built a Mage Academy on his tropical home island, want to manipulate him.
All he wants is to be reunited with what’s left of his family.
Longer Blurb (250 words)
So this is what I’d ideally like to have on the back cover if it were up to me:
Having the potential to learn the magic of the pale-skinned Nothrans, who have been allowed to build their Mage Academy on his tropical home island, Miniri, opens up a whole realm of possibilities for fifteen-year-old Kentos. But, having already spent several years amongst the Nothrans in their lands far to the north, he knows he will have to endure racism from those who cannot see past his dark skin, and studying at the Academy will only serve to further ostracise him from his fellow Quemin.
Carrying the blood of the reviled Vennar in his veins means Kentos can master their ability to discern the visualised intentions of others, which makes that martial race peerless fighters. Yet this stain upon his family’s honour must remain secret, for the Vennar’s enslavement of the Quemin was officially supposed to have ended many generations ago.
These are challenges Kentos believes he can handle, even as he recovers from an attack that killed his sister and crushed his foot. What he has yet to learn, however, is that his parents have escaped from slavery with even more secrets – secrets that will make him the subject of prophecies, and of manipulation attempts from multiple unexpected angles.
As his friendship with fellow student Tesliah, who uncovers his story by reading his journals, begins to blossom into a tender first love, and as his path converges with that of Ri, a Vennara he once called friend, Kentos will have to face decisions: most of them difficult… one disastrous.
Shorter Blurb (169 words)
If I had to limit myself a bit more, although cutting each word hurts like heck, I might be able to live with shortening it to this:
Having the potential to learn the magic of the pale-skinned Nothrans, who’ve built their Mage Academy on his tropical home island, opens up a realm of possibilities for fifteen-year-old Kentos. But, having spent several years amongst Nothrans, he knows he must endure racism from those who cannot see past his dark skin.
Carrying the blood of the reviled martial Vennar in his veins means Kentos can learn to discern people’s visualised intentions, but this stain upon his family must remain secret, for the enslavement of his people ended long ago – at least officially.
These are challenges Kentos believes he can handle. What he has yet to learn is that his family has even more secrets that will make him the subject of manipulation attempts from multiple unexpected directions.
As the friendship with fellow student Tesliah, who uncovers his story by reading his journals, deepens, and as his path converges with that of Ri, a Vennara he once called friend, many decisions Kentos must face will be difficult… one disastrous.
Well, once I finish up the epilogue of Book 1 (quite tricky getting the right threads tied up and leaving enough open to promote interest in the larger story) and complete my current editing run, I’d love to get feedback from beta readers. I have two fellow bloggers who have expressed an interest, and I hope they’ll be as honest as they can with things like pacing, repetition, character development, whether dialogue feels natural enough, whether I have some “pet expressions” I’m not aware of, etc. Thus far, I’ve only had family and close friends read my work, and as grateful as I am to each and every one of them, it’s not quite the same as feedback from objective readers, especially ones who have been through the writing process themselves and know what to look out for.
After that (and I have no idea how long that will take), I’ll have to go through the whole daunting submission process, reading rejection letters and so on. Fun times! 🙂
I’m facing a bit of a dilemma. Well, ok, not really a dilemma, more of a bit of uncertainty. I’m getting close(r) to having my manuscript in a state where I’m ready to submit it to agents/publishers, and I’ve written several versions of my blurb.
So here’s my question: Should I blurt out my blurb on my blog? Bleh.
(On a less serious note, should I leave alliteration alone a little? 😉 )
I’m well aware that the chances are overwhelmingly against my manuscript ever being so hugely successful (even if it’s really as awesome as I believe it to be) that anyone will care whether the blurb was already “out there”, but on the off-chance that against all odds I do get extremely lucky with finding the right person to read my work, can it hurt to put up some initial versions of a blurb on a blog site?
Hmm… I sort of doubt it, but if you have any experience with this sort of thing, or just an educated opinion, please let me know in the comments!
As mentioned in my review of Fool’s Quest, the second part of Robin Hobb’s wonderful Fitz and the Fool trilogy, the number of errors in this book is much lower compared to Book 1, where the lack of editing was quite ridiculous. This time around, there were both far fewer errors and the errors were less severe, less able to rip me out of my immersion while reading through its 739 pages (UK large paperback version – is that what’s called “trade paperback”?).
As for Book 1, I’ll use the same categories “Error”, “Note”, and “Guess”, as well as these abbreviated ones (though not all categories make an appearance here):
Cons. = Consistency
Conv. = Convention
Gr. = Grammar
Punct. = Punctuation
Rep. = Repetition
Sp. = Spelling
Sugg. = Suggestion
|5||Gr.||“[…] I still knew him in the important ways, the one that went beyond trivial facts […]” – Should be the ones that, since ways is plural.|
|5||Gr.||“[…] I doubted that either of us had ever truly been children.” – Should be been a child, since either in this case needs to be treated as singular, not plural (proximity rule doesn’t apply here).|
|9||Gr.||“Whoever he sent to this chamber would be discreet.” – Should be whomever, because he is the subject: He sent whom? (A few lines below that, whom is used correctly: “Alliance with whom?”)|
|11||Gr.||“[…] evergreen boughs and brightly-coloured pennants.” – Should be brightly coloured, without the hyphen. Yes, compound adjectives are usually hyphenated, but not when the first part is an adverb ending in -ly. (See Rule 3 here.)|
|43||Gr.||“It seemed so odd that I could recognize who the scream belonged to.” – Should be whom, of course.|
|143||Gr.||“[…] trying not to wonder as I did so if I would use them if Chade ordered me to. If it came to that, I’d decide then […]” – Great example of whether vs if, especially because of the three ifs in that section. The second and third ones are fine, but the first one is not a condition (“if <condition> then <something>”) but an either/or case, so it should be whether.|
|168||Sp.||“[…] almost seems to make sense some times.” – Sometimes is one word.|
|189||Sp.||“[…] perception when they over flew a battle.” – Overfly is one word, hence it should be overflew.|
|357||Gr.||“[…] when everyone else were as passive as cattle […]” – Everyone is singular (not “everyone are singular”), hence it should be everyone else was.|
|365||Guess||“[…] fearing what would happen next. The Lord Chade came. He said […]” – I guess it’s not technically incorrect as such, but since I don’t believe the article the was used in front of Lord anywhere else in the book, I’m fairly certain this is a typo and should be then Lord Chade came.|
|391||Punct.||“They are on ‘a path’ Fitz.” – (Note: I changed the original double quotes to single quotes to be consistent in my, er, quoting.) Apart from the fact that this almost looks like “scare quotes”, there needs to be a comma before Fitz.|
|470||Punct.||“Bee had very little scent. No this was Shine’s […]” – Again, there is a comma missing: No, this was Shine’s.|
|508||Gr.||“‘Not much further now,’ Kerf called back […]” – Should be farther, since it relates to physical distance. Watch Finding Forrester, and you won’t ever forget that rule. 😉|
|510||Cons.||There is a consistency error on this page. First, the order in which Dwalia says they need to go through… something (won’t spoil it)… while holding hands is Dwalia, Vindeliar, Alaria, Bee, Reppin, Kerf, Shun, and finally Soula. So Alaria is supposed to take one of Bee’s hands, Reppin the other. However, in the next paragraph, Bee is between Reppin and Kerf.|
|541||Error||“The Skill-fountains there, they say, and is hard to navigate.” – Something is wrong or missing here. I can only guess that it should be one of these: “The Skill fountains there” (without the hyphen); “The Skill fountain’s there” (missing apostrophe, i.e. a contraction of fountain and is); “The Skill-river fountains there” (which would make sense because river is mentioned in the previous sentence).|
|542||Cons.||“[…] that Kitney meet him there, to duel with staffs and fists […]” and two paragraphs below: “When Kitney’s stave broke […]” – As a weapon, the singular is staff and the plural either staffs or staves. So it should be when Kitney’s staff broke. My guess is that someone was told to replace staffs with staves (perhaps as part of converting the US edition to the UK version?) on that page, and ended up replacing the wrong instance.|
|579||Cons.||“Kettricken had taken Shine to hand. […] Shine blossomed in the light of the queen’s interest.” – At this point in the story, Kettricken is no longer queen.|
|584||Gr.||“Clerres was distant, further away than […]” and one paragraph below that: “[…] those who had come furthest to Buckkeep’s port […]” – Both cases relate to physical distance, so it should be farther away and come farthest.|
|585||Sugg.||“[…] I think it was the wise decision.” – Not technically incorrect, but I’d change it to a wise decision. If the intent is to emphasise that this decision was the wise one as opposed to the other decision being less wise, then I’d change it to the wiser decision.|
So I’ve spotted only 19 corrections this time (for Book 1 it was a staggering 63, with some of them bad enough to make you scratch your head and wonder how anyone could miss that).
Maybe, if I get an ARC of Book 3, I can help eliminate all the errors (feel free to go meme-crazy in your mind at this point) for that one. 😉