Hobbits – A to Z: H

H is for hobbitses hobbits. Whether you’re a die-hard fantasy buff or just plain don’t live under a rock, chances are pretty good you know what hobbits are. Those little fellows, also called “halflings” by some, who typically like to put their over-sized, hairy feet up <censored> and live quiet and contented lives in the Shire whenever destiny isn’t bothering them with quests to save the world and such.

Hobbit feet

No, they’re not mine. Are, too. (Shut up.) Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’d know that large, hairy feet mean… hobbits!

Hobbits were invented by the great-grand-daddy of fantasy, J. R. R. Tolkien, appearing first in The Hobbit in 1937 (which is currently being turned into three movies) and of course later in The Lord of the Rings. I believe they’re mentioned in some of Tolkien’s other writings as well, but, not having read any of those, I don’t know much more than that. <censored> right! The most famous of them are Bilbo and Master looks after us Frodo Baggins, Stupid Fat Hobbit Samwise “Sam” Gamgee, Peregrin “Pippin” Took, and Meriadoc “Merry” Brandybuck. And us, and us! Even Gollum was once a hobbit.

These sneaky little hobbitses good-natured cousins of humans live longer and mature much slower than we do (Frodo was 50 when he set out from the Shire to deliver my PRECIOUS! the One Ring to Mount Doom), and we hates the filthy little hobbitses are generally liked by the other races of Middle Earth. They spoilin’ nice fish have a strong sense of morals and, despite being rather mischievous in their younger years, tend to “do what’s right” when under pressure.

Hobbits should be given to nasty Orcses a special place in her lair the heart of every fan of fantasy.

<censored> <censored>, you <censored> <censored>-<censored>, my precious!

About Amos M. Carpenter

Web dev by day, author by night, and generally interested in (and opinionated about) way too many things.

Posted on 9 April, 2014, in A to Z Challenge, Books, Humour, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. What an awesome post, made me laugh so much! 😀

  2. Love all the asideses from Gollum. Hee hee.

    One of my favorite passages from Tolkien is his description of Hobbits and their lifestyle in the prologue to Fellowship. It’s pure gold.

    • Thanks Laurel!

      I agree, I’ve heard many people say that the beginning of the Fellowship is so boring and nothing happens, and that you just need to skim through it or even skip it to get to the interesting bits. But then you’d miss the idyllic setting that defines why the hobbits are the way they are, that makes them reminisce later on about how good things were in the Shire, that gives them the courage to do what they do. Glad you get that as well; nowadays, literary agents reading through Tolkien’s first few chapters would just scoff, send him a standard rejection letter, and… miss out on one of the best fantasy stories ever.

  3. Haha nice post. Love the first line. Concerning Hobbits from the Lord of the Rings is the ultimate feel good song for me. Just picturing that scene makes me feel so happy.

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